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Most of us approach daily life thinking we are safe, events are predictable, and that others are trustworthy. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and tragedy strikes unexpectedly. Our beliefs are shattered, we lose hope, and we see life as filled with danger, uncertainty, and suffering. But, it is in these moments, in the face of adversity, that we recognize not to take things for granted. Fifteen years ago, my life flashed in front of my eyes. My initial plan to lose a few pounds spiraled out of control resulting in the development of an eating disorder. After starving myself and exercising compulsively, IRead More →

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As a young girl, my family often took a cruise vacation during Christmas week. We traveled from one Caribbean island to the next, enjoyed many excursions, applauded our way through entertainment shows, and gambled until a depressing amount of money was lost. But, above all, and most celebrated, was the food. My absolute favorite childhood food was steak. Maybe it was because I only had it for special occasions, which kept it a novelty. But, on the cruise we took when I was seventeen years old, I went crazy, and, let’s just say, truly took advantage of the all-you-can-eat aspect of a cruise. After sevenRead More →

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You have to be kidding. This has to be some sort of joke, right? Or maybe someone dreamt this happened, and shared it to the point the story made national headlines—but, in fact, it didn’t actually happen. That is me dreaming, I suppose. On Friday, President Donald Trump met with children of the White House press corps so they could trick or treat in the Oval Office. While handing out candy to the children, Trump said, “You have no weight problems ― that’s the good news, right?” As a child, I recall salivating over a piece of cheesecake—my favorite dessert of all-time—following a steak dinner.Read More →

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If only I were skinny… I’d be so much happier. This is not the case at all. Actually, when I was my skinniest, I was the most unhappy I had ever been. I was clinically depressed, and was completely miserable. All I was able to think about was food and my body, and not gaining weight. I was trapped inside. I’d have so many more friends. See, it seems as though skinny people tend to be more popular. I worked so hard at attaining thinness that my personality completely dwindled to nothing, I had no energy, and I was withdrawn from everyone and everything. Clearly,Read More →

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At 3 years of age, he stands tall at 36 inches. A tiny toddler to me. As his mother,  all I want is to soak in as much as I can of his little feet, small hands, soft skin, and adorable high-pitched voice. But, all he wants is to “get big.” Like any ordinary morning, my 3-year-old son came sprinting into my bathroom so proud that he got himself dressed without any help. (Mind you, his shorts were on backwards, and his shirt was inside-out.) As I was brushing my teeth and analyzing each and every black pore on my face, I heard him shout,Read More →

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Tears welled up in my eyes. My thoughts were painful and overpowering. The last time we had watched a story illustrating Eating Disorders together, my now-husband was frightened. So much that he made the boldest statement sending chills down my spine: “I would never date anyone with Anorexia. I couldn’t imagine who would do that to themselves.” Fourteen years ago, I was determined to be at my best physically. I simply wanted to be able to endure an entire college soccer game; and assure my coaches they made the right decision by offering me a full-ride athletic scholarship. The onset of my Eating Disorder was pureRead More →

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We were college sophomores. At the time, the most exciting new ice cream concept came to East Lansing, Michigan–design-your-own ice cream creations hand-mixed on a granite slab. We had your most well-known chains, Cold Stone Creamery and Maggie Moo’s. Same difference to me. My freshman year, I became a ‘regular’ at the shop. To escape studying, or just get a treat, it became part of my weekly routine. They could have created a namesake for my order. “Hi. Yes. Can I please have a ‘Love it!” (which is a medium) with chocolate ice cream, Oreos, bananas, and brownie?”  After developing an eating disorder my sophomoreRead More →

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As much as I’m disturbed the same way Lily Collins was, I am not surprised at all by the comments she received. After losing a noticeable amount of weight for a role she plays in a new movie — To The Bone — she faced encounters that solidify society has a long way to go when it comes to beauty standards. The movie is about anorexia, and, Lily Collins, happens to be a survivor of an eating disorder — as am I. The day I reported to preseason for my sophomore year of college soccer, I remember a comment made to me by an upperclassman thatRead More →

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The year of my wedding was by far one of the most memorable and exciting times of my life. Leading up to it I felt pure joy and celebration around me. From the bridal showers, to the bachelorette party, to the wedding band shopping, to the extensive planning, to choosing the venue, to writing up a guest list, to securing a rabbi, and, finally, without doubt, the moment every girl dreams of her entire life–dress shopping. It goes without saying that when you hear “bride-to-be” and “upcoming wedding,” you also hear “diet” and “lose weight.” At the time of my wedding, I was the happiestRead More →

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“Let’s go on a diet,” my best friend suggested after we gained an unhealthy amount of weight in college. Something had changed. Buttoning my pants started becoming an exercise in itself, and I noticed this sound, “swish swish,” that was following me everywhere. It ended up being chub rub, otherwise known as my inner thighs rubbing together every time I took a step. Quickly, I declared, too, that I needed to go on a NONE-OF-MY-PANTS-FIT diet. To this day, when I hear the word “diet,” I immediately think of a structured attempt to lose weight. Though the reasons for dieting vary, the desired outcome is the same.Read More →