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It was a cold day, and all I wanted was a coffee and muffin from Dunkin’ Donuts. So, I parked my car, walked in, and scoped out all of my options. There was only one muffin that was labeled reduced fat, which to me at the time would be the only possibility. But, I needed to know more. So, I asked the girl how bad the muffin really was for me. She took out a binder with the nutritional information, and handed it to me. The second I saw the number of calories that were in that “reduced fat” muffin, I gasped. “No thank you,”Read More →

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As a sophomore in college, I lived off campus in a 2-bedroom apartment with my roommate. We shared a kitchen, though, at the time, we did not share food. I was consuming very little food, exercising compulsively to burn off anything I did eat (and more), and was so obsessed with food that no other thought crossed my mind. I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder months prior, and I had finally agreed to start making changes toward a healthier lifestyle. The problem was, like most things, it was so much easier said than done. One of my challenges that particular week was toRead More →

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We are born and raised in a society where we all have the same vision of beauty and of the perfect body. We strive to conform to that picture, and when we are unsuccessful, we become extremely hard on ourselves and attempt many different strategies to reach it — exercise, diet, make-up, even surgery. It all began when my physique transformed from skin and bones to curves and muscles. Pants began fitting snugger, and my inner thigh gap gradually turned from existent to nonexistent. It seemed I became an expert at doing the “jean dance” to work the stiff denim up my legs. Shopping forRead More →

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Tears welled up in my eyes. My thoughts were painful and overpowering. The last time we had watched a story illustrating Eating Disorders together, my now-husband was frightened. So much that he made the boldest statement sending chills down my spine: “I would never date anyone with Anorexia. I couldn’t imagine who would do that to themselves.” Fourteen years ago, I was determined to be at my best physically. I simply wanted to be able to endure an entire college soccer game; and assure my coaches they made the right decision by offering me a full-ride athletic scholarship. The onset of my Eating Disorder was pureRead More →

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We were college sophomores. At the time, the most exciting new ice cream concept came to East Lansing, Michigan–design-your-own ice cream creations hand-mixed on a granite slab. We had your most well-known chains, Cold Stone Creamery and Maggie Moo’s. Same difference to me. My freshman year, I became a ‘regular’ at the shop. To escape studying, or just get a treat, it became part of my weekly routine. They could have created a namesake for my order. “Hi. Yes. Can I please have a ‘Love it!” (which is a medium) with chocolate ice cream, Oreos, bananas, and brownie?”  After developing an eating disorder my sophomoreRead More →

anorexia

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I could tell by her expression that she was in a trance. Through her glossed eyes, I felt as if she was holding on to every word I was saying. We made eye contact, and just by her sad look, she communicated she was focused and fascinated by my story. Speaking to young girls has given me quite a new perspective on this topic of eating disorders, body image, and exercise. It’s well beyond that. I have felt the connection to the innocent, yet inquisitive students when it has come to real life struggles that most do not discuss; or validate their adequate thoughts. ThisRead More →

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As I was skimming through my newsfeed, Twitter, and Instagram accounts today, I became guilty of this, too. When I see any link or article titled, “Lose Weight Fast,” I take my little finger, and on autopilot, I click on the piece. I’m not even trying to lose weight right now. But, when I see that title in bold, capitalized, large font, I can’t help but feel my curiosity peak in that moment. I wonder if that piece reveals the secret potion. As if it might have new, different, and more accelerated ideas about weight loss, diet, and exercise. In this society, we are drawnRead More →

gym-skinny-body-image

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Today I was at the gym doing my regular morning routine before two friends of mine showed up next to me to do a treadmill workout together. They pulled out their phones, clicked on an app, and went back and forth deciding which particular program they were going to choose. Out of curiosity, I asked what app they were using, and, at the same time, they offered the name. Intrigued, again, I basically invited myself to join them. After an intense and exhausting run, we were cooling down, chatting, and one thing led to another–the conversation shifted to the topic of: WEIGHT AND BODY. TheRead More →

Konheim Mandras - Seeing Your Loved One Suffer

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Sad. Frustrated.  Helpless. Painful. The common answers I was given when asking my loved ones how they felt when I was struggling with an eating disorder. The scary thing… I have been on the other side. Where I’ve watched first-hand someone battle this disease. The feedback I received was consistent in the way I felt when I tried helping someone I loved.  I tried to do everything to help. I was willing to do anything. To open their eyes, and yell at them to, “Snap out of it!” I wrote letters, sent emails, called incessantly, begged them to change, pleaded for them to take stepsRead More →

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I’m on the airplane headed to Los Angeles, California on this Tuesday morning. I was offered the opportunity to present at the largest annual gathering of soccer coaches in the world. When I first was put in contact with the operations coordinator about the possibility of speaking at this NSCAA convention in January 2017, he responded back with two comments: 1) To please send an outline of the topic in which I’d like to speak on; and 2) To date, they have never had a presenter speak on eating disorders.  I paused for a minute after reading the latter of his comments. In a studyRead More →