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It only takes one moment, one second, one phrase to shatter a girl’s self-image, and take away her innocence forever. And, that defining moment can never ever be taken back as the damage has already been done. For me, that one moment was when I was told I needed to be more fit in order to perform at a higher level in my sport. I believed the only way to be more fit and faster was to lose weight. Before that moment, I never counted calories, looked at the nutrition facts panel, or “dieted.” In fact, none of those things ever even crossed my mind.Read More →

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I took the short cut. The short cut that so many athletes take. The short cut that Allie Kieffer was referring to in her latest interview with Sports Illustrated. Not only did I see skinny as being fast from my own eyes and experiences, but this belief was conveyed loud and clear from the powerful voices of coaches, leaders, and  those surrounding me within my sport. I was a competitive and driven athlete who wanted to be the best I could be in soccer.  At 5’1”, I was without question the shortest player on the college soccer field. I didn’t look like the typical tall andRead More →

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As I refreshed my newsfeed on Facebook just last night, the first post that came up was a before picture and after picture of a friend who was sharing that she has lost weight. So far she has 132 comments, and each one sends the same message: “You look AMAZING!”  “Wow. So proud of you!” “Yayyyy!” “Beautiful!!!” When I first started my new diet and exercise regimen back in college, my goal was to lose weight and get more physically fit. I had gained weight my freshman year, and as a result of society’s standards of beauty and the thin ideal, I knew I hadRead More →

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As an athlete who competed at an elite level of soccer my entire life, I experienced the tremendous demands placed on student-athletes. Sports not only demand excellence in physical performance, but require the ability to juggle a demanding schedule including school, social events, family, and more. I strived for perfection in all aspects of my life, but particularly soccer. I placed an immense amount of pressure on myself to meet and exceed all expectations in my performance, and was willing to do whatever it took to succeed. This personality characteristic in itself made me susceptible to developing unhealthy, extreme behaviors. Sports are very time-consuming andRead More →

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As a sophomore in college, I lived off campus in a 2-bedroom apartment with my roommate. We shared a kitchen, though, at the time, we did not share food. I was consuming very little food, exercising compulsively to burn off anything I did eat (and more), and was so obsessed with food that no other thought crossed my mind. I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder months prior, and I had finally agreed to start making changes toward a healthier lifestyle. The problem was, like most things, it was so much easier said than done. One of my challenges that particular week was toRead More →

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As if ending the season with the worst record in years, not qualifying for the conference tournament, and failing to accomplish my personal goals wasn’t bad enough. Then pile on studying for finals while, also, being responsible for working tirelessly to stay physically fit. College sports demanded excellence not just during season, but year round—in sport and school. And, finally, on top of it all, the end of the fall semester in Michigan inevitably ended with a winter storm that consisted of sleet, heavy snowfall, and freezing cold temperatures. Michigan State University’s campus is one of the biggest campuses in the nation. Just like many colleges, parking was extremely limiting–causing me toRead More →

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If only I were skinny… I’d be so much happier. This is not the case at all. Actually, when I was my skinniest, I was the most unhappy I had ever been. I was clinically depressed, and was completely miserable. All I was able to think about was food and my body, and not gaining weight. I was trapped inside. I’d have so many more friends. See, it seems as though skinny people tend to be more popular. I worked so hard at attaining thinness that my personality completely dwindled to nothing, I had no energy, and I was withdrawn from everyone and everything. Clearly,Read More →

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So I walked into the gym this morning, as usual. Like every morning, I threw on the same black crop pants that I wore the day before, washed, cleaned, folded and ready to go. On top, I wore my raggedy gray v-neck t-shirt that is in a rotation with the same one, but blue. Let’s just say, it probably doesn’t smell like perfume. If people looked at me, which I’m sure they did, they have to assume I only have one or two pairs of workout pants, and two t-shirts, at most.  To those people who are concerned about the variety in my wardrobe, my husbandRead More →

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When I accepted a job in Baltimore in 2007, my dad assured me that I was only a quick flight away if I needed to come home or felt the urge to visit. Southwest Airlines flew direct to Detroit for quite low fares at the time. So, even then, I returned home regularly. It was easy then. I’d bring my backpack filled with goodies to get me through the hour flight, and my carry-on luggage to make my travel time that much quicker.  Then, I had my first son. Though I couldn’t imagine my desire to fly to Detroit could magnify, it did. I wantedRead More →

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As a college athlete, the NCAA mandated programs to have one day off a week during a strenuous, competitive, and intense season. In addition to a day completely off, my coaches incorporated a practice schedule that tapered in length, activity, and intensity as we approached game days. Even though it was made clear to us that a day off helped our bodies recover, I struggled to understand the concept then, and, admittedly, I still battle this belief today.  Back then, a day of zero exercise or a day without sweat didn’t feel right. It made me feel like I lacked energy, and the following dayRead More →