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“Let’s go on a diet,” my best friend suggested after we gained an unhealthy amount of weight in college. Something had changed. Buttoning my pants started becoming an exercise in itself, and I noticed this sound, “swish swish,” that was following me everywhere. It ended up being chub rub, otherwise known as my inner thighs rubbing together every time I took a step. Quickly, I declared, too, that I needed to go on a NONE-OF-MY-PANTS-FIT diet. To this day, when I hear the word “diet,” I immediately think of a structured attempt to lose weight. Though the reasons for dieting vary, the desired outcome is the same.Read More →

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Be kind… For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. My mom’s ongoing words my entire upbringing were, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I never truly appreciated or understood the consequences words may have on someone until I battled and overcame anorexia. She played for Indiana University. She had matched up against me each time we had played, and this particular time was no different. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and believe she was a nice person who just used the wrong language to talk smack. But,Read More →

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It was the first time in years that I was actually skinny and proportional. My once strong, muscular quad muscles dwindled down to skin and bones. I felt toned and cut, especially my abdomen, as it appeared I even had a six-pack. I loved trying on clothes, and seeing that even extra smalls were too big on me. But, mostly, I loved wearing a bathing suit. As illogical and completely unhealthy as these thoughts may be, even thirteen years after having an eating disorder, I still sometimes think about how I miss some aspects of that time period. I am completely aware that, though, IRead More →

How To Be A Friend To Someone Battling An Eating Disorder

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She lives in Detroit. I live in Baltimore. She is a physician. I am home with my kids. She has two girls. I have two boys. Her kids are mild-mannered. Mine are not so much. She is Catholic. I am Jewish. She is calm and laid back. I am hyper and impulsive. The saying holds true… Opposites do attract. There has not been a time I have come to Detroit to visit my family that I have not seen her. She has made the trip to Baltimore to spend time with us, and to see my new life there. She was a matron of honorRead More →

funny-pictures-winter-weight-loss-snowman

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Turkey chili, pizza, vegetarian lasagna, spaghetti and homemade garlic bread, macaroni and cheese, warm, fresh brownies out of the oven, and holiday cookies. All these foods have one thing in common: what I gravitate toward, crave, and indulge on throughout the winter season. Not only am I unable to resist these foods, I seem to have a much larger appetite and an urge to eat more. The mere taste of a hot, fresh sourdough roll smothered in creamy soup is so comforting to taste on a cold, dark day. Or, the steamy fumes erupting from a large pizza box screams coziness, when lounging around theRead More →

Feast or famine Thanksgiving a dreadful holiday for eating disorders.

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Steamed vegetables, roasted turkey without seasoning or gravy, and baked sweet potatoes are not generally items served at a Thanksgiving dinner. However, for an anorexic and a person with an eating disorder, these are more likely to be acceptable foods to eat rather than your typical holiday meal. Twelve years ago, I remember vividly driving home from Michigan State University for the Thanksgiving weekend. A holiday that is traditionally known for celebrating around a dining room table, surrounded by family and friends, it is notorious for being a cheerful, enjoyable, and gratifying day for many people. It is a holiday that revolves around a monumentalRead More →

My Top Ten "Rules"

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By nature, we are creatures of habit. Some more than others, but, generally, we survive daily based on routine.  I happen to take “creature of habit” to the extreme (again, I have that type of personality). I routinely wake up, do the same things everyday, eat the same foods at the same times, shop at the same stores, drive the same routes, and so on. I’m basically on autopilot. Obviously, things come up that disrupt my typical schedule: kids, travel, meetings, or other unprecedented events. Fortunately, sets of routines allow for me, and most people, to feel “much calmer and in control of your life.”Read More →

The 21-day Unfix

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I was once anorexic. My eating disorder was prompted by various situations I encountered as a collegiate student-athlete. First, my peers around me gained weight from college life, and then became determined to lose the excess fat. After observing my teammates exercise excessively, I, with a competitive nature, followed their lead. When my friend began eliminating meals from her daily diet, I joined in. Following practice, I noticed a teammate studying her body in the mirror; so I looked at mine.  At that time, the popular diet fad was to only consume fat free foods. I had never been exposed to diets, weight loss pills, or even scales.Read More →

Goodbye Nuts

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I am one conflicted mommy. Twelve years ago, when I began my path down the road of dieting and exercise, eventually leading to my eating disorder, my relationship with food had become unhealthy. I began categorizing food into two groups; foods that I would allow myself to eat and foods that I would never allow myself to eat. I wish I could tell you I went to school and was educated to be a dietician. Or, that I was qualified to begin eliminating food groups out of my diet for a healthy purpose. Or, that I really understood why I was even deeming certain foods as “bad.” Nevertheless,Read More →

Fasting to Diet

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I awoke this morning to head out for an early morning jog. In anticipation of household chaos upon my return, I chose to get a head start to the day. As I walked out of the garage, it felt like the weather had changed overnight. I swear that just yesterday I was awoken by the sun peeking through our bedroom windows. That we went for a long walk after dinner, and it was still light out long after we returned home. But, today was different. I stepped outside at 6:45 a.m., felt a sudden gust of crisp, fall air that had quickly made its grand entrance, and smelled the morning dew thatRead More →