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It only takes one moment, one second, one phrase to shatter a girl’s self-image, and take away her innocence forever. And, that defining moment can never ever be taken back as the damage has already been done. For me, that one moment was when I was told I needed to be more fit in order to perform at a higher level in my sport. I believed the only way to be more fit and faster was to lose weight. Before that moment, I never counted calories, looked at the nutrition facts panel, or “dieted.” In fact, none of those things ever even crossed my mind.Read More →

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Thinner. Faster. Better. The three words that kept repeating in my mind the summer before my sophomore soccer season at Michigan State. I was a midfielder; an outside midfielder to be exact. In simpler terms, I was responsible for covering a lot of ground, and doing an excess amount of running from end line to end line. It only made sense to me that if I was able to lose weight, it would be easier to gain stamina, and, therefore, be a better player. It was essential that I felt light on my feet, quick, and agile in order to achieve success at that level.Read More →

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It was the first time in years that I was actually skinny and proportional. My once strong, muscular quad muscles dwindled down to skin and bones. I felt toned and cut, especially my abdomen, as it appeared I even had a six-pack. I loved trying on clothes, and seeing that even extra smalls were too big on me. But, mostly, I loved wearing a bathing suit. As illogical and completely unhealthy as these thoughts may be, even thirteen years after having an eating disorder, I still sometimes think about how I miss some aspects of that time period. I am completely aware that, though, IRead More →

The Pressures That Kept Me From Loving Soccer

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From the time I was a little girl, I strived to please others. I thrived on praise and attention, and put all my efforts into being recognized and acknowledged. It was something I felt internally, but was never able to look inside, and see that was where my troubles were brewing. I happened to have gravitated toward soccer at the age of four. Not only did I enjoy it, but I stood out, and it came more natural to me than it did to others. It provided me a sense of accomplishment. It was clear from the start that soccer was my sport, and wasRead More →

Erin Mandras Kick the Scale

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I had received an instant message from him almost immediately after plugging in my laptop, turning it on, and signing into instant messenger. I had just arrived in Georgia to take a nine-day coaching course, with plans to travel to Michigan before heading back to Baltimore a couple weeks later. He introduced himself as, “Jon,” like I was supposed to have known who Jon was at the time. He then explained he was a friend of Jon’s — a guy I had recently gone on a date, having enjoyed his company, but knowing he wasn’t the “one.” Confused, frustrated, and annoyed at that point fromRead More →

Skeleton Spotted in Audubon Park, New Orleans

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My family traveled to New Orleans this past weekend. If you have never been, the summers are HOT and uncomfortably humid. Let’s put it in an exercise kind of way: in Baltimore I go for long distance runs with a cell phone in hand. I hold it for the use of Pandora or in case of emergency. When I left the house at 7:30 a.m.  on Friday morning to head out for a run, it was so hot, steamy, and muggy outside that I knew my phone would be ruined if I ran with it. My husband spontaneously decided to join me for a morning runRead More →

The Louis Vuitton "Tootsie Roll" Handbag

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“Oooh! I love your bag!” is a frequent compliment I receive when out on a Saturday night with friends. I smirk, and my response back is a very simple, “Thank you.” I tend to be a very dramatic, animated, and expressive individual, so when given a praise, my exclamation back would usually be an, “Oooh! Thank you so much!” However, this Louis Vuitton “Tootsie Roll” handbag is not your typical, “I went to the Louis Vuitton store, wanted a bag, so splurged and purchased one.” This bag has far more meaning and significance, with an overwhelmingly life-altering experience behind it. Literally, this Louis Vuitton handbag turned on a switchRead More →

Ran to Lose

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In my pursuit for thinness and continual weight loss, exercise became a significant part to my compulsivity. As a competitive athlete, exercise was an imminent part of the daily grind. Between both individual and team weightlifting, conditioning, and practice, it seemed as though I was always training. But, my mentality had shifted. The fine line between exercising to be fit and strong, and exercising to be thin, had been crossed. In the typical college soccer season, the training schedule revolved around games. Therefore, as competition neared, training tapered in intensity and time. Tuesdays were known as the “toughest” and most grueling day of training as it followed a day offRead More →