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It only takes one moment, one second, one phrase to shatter a girl’s self-image, and take away her innocence forever. And, that defining moment can never ever be taken back as the damage has already been done. For me, that one moment was when I was told I needed to be more fit in order to perform at a higher level in my sport. I believed the only way to be more fit and faster was to lose weight. Before that moment, I never counted calories, looked at the nutrition facts panel, or “dieted.” In fact, none of those things ever even crossed my mind.Read More →

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To the girl I see at the gym everyday: Each day I walk up the steps to the cardio equipment at my gym, I hope that maybe you won’t be there. But, then again, I am relieved when I see you because I know you are still surviving. I see you. I see you wearing a sweatsuit to workout. Those baggy sweatpants that you have to tie at the waist to keep them in place. At some point in your past, they fit a completely different way. Your huge hooded sweatshirt drapes down your body as you go through the movements on the elliptical. IRead More →

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I am guilty of it, and I’ll be the first to admit it. I take a hundred different shots, delete the unsharable ones, adjust the angles, assess, edit, re-take, and then if I somehow was able to get that one perfect picture, I finally share to my newsfeed. Social media has become a place where we post and share what we deem to be “shareable” pictures and videos of our personal lives. And, while we all know that, we still question ourselves compared to others. My family traveled to Mexico for vacation just last week. As a tradition, we took family photographs by the beautiful,Read More →

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Major networks and news stations have erupted once again with headlines featuring Serena Williams. Lately it seems that Williams isn’t being recognized and distinguished for her impressive list of accomplishments from a remarkable tennis career. Instead the focus has been on something that has and will continue to dominate and crush the minds of those who do not fit the mold of the ideal body type that society perceives as beautiful, attractive, and feminine—her physique. Serena Williams is strong, powerful and fierce. She is muscular, incredibly athletic, and passionate. She has demanded respect on the tennis court by her impressive accomplishments, and has established herselfRead More →

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My 6 year old son has been asking me for the last several months to run a race together. Though the idea of signing us up sounded wonderful, I couldn’t help but have uncontrollable and intrusive thoughts creep back in head from the time of my eating disorder. At the time of my eating disorder, I not only restricted calories to the extreme, but I worked out excessively. No matter how intense the exercise, the length of time I ran, or the amount of calories burned, it never seemed enough. But, in my mind was always a minimum that I wouldn’t allow myself to fallRead More →

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First and foremost, I would like to personally thank each and every one of you who attended my presentations at the United Soccer Coaches Convention in Philadelphia. The topics of my sessions were “Aiming for a Positive Body Image,” and, “Pressures of Athletics can Lead to Eating Disorders.” Immediately following my second presentation, a woman came up to the stage, and loudly stated, “I just wanted to let you know. I wasn’t planning on coming, but last minute, my friend encouraged me to join her. I must say, this was the best presentation I have seen thus far. And, my only goal for next yearRead More →

anorexia

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I could tell by her expression that she was in a trance. Through her glossed eyes, I felt as if she was holding on to every word I was saying. We made eye contact, and just by her sad look, she communicated she was focused and fascinated by my story. Speaking to young girls has given me quite a new perspective on this topic of eating disorders, body image, and exercise. It’s well beyond that. I have felt the connection to the innocent, yet inquisitive students when it has come to real life struggles that most do not discuss; or validate their adequate thoughts. ThisRead More →

gym-skinny-body-image

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Today I was at the gym doing my regular morning routine before two friends of mine showed up next to me to do a treadmill workout together. They pulled out their phones, clicked on an app, and went back and forth deciding which particular program they were going to choose. Out of curiosity, I asked what app they were using, and, at the same time, they offered the name. Intrigued, again, I basically invited myself to join them. After an intense and exhausting run, we were cooling down, chatting, and one thing led to another–the conversation shifted to the topic of: WEIGHT AND BODY. TheRead More →

Konheim Mandras - Seeing Your Loved One Suffer

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Sad. Frustrated.  Helpless. Painful. The common answers I was given when asking my loved ones how they felt when I was struggling with an eating disorder. The scary thing… I have been on the other side. Where I’ve watched first-hand someone battle this disease. The feedback I received was consistent in the way I felt when I tried helping someone I loved.  I tried to do everything to help. I was willing to do anything. To open their eyes, and yell at them to, “Snap out of it!” I wrote letters, sent emails, called incessantly, begged them to change, pleaded for them to take stepsRead More →

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Be kind… For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. My mom’s ongoing words my entire upbringing were, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I never truly appreciated or understood the consequences words may have on someone until I battled and overcame anorexia. She played for Indiana University. She had matched up against me each time we had played, and this particular time was no different. I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and believe she was a nice person who just used the wrong language to talk smack. But,Read More →